I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
