Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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