i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
