my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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