I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
