did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
