I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
