I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
