My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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