i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
