I have demons in me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
