i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
