Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
