Someone shit on the floor
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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