I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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