At least make sure they are 18
Why
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
