I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
