And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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