Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize