when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
