so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
