It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
