Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
