My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
