so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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