he told me I talked like a deaf person
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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