he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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