After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
