Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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