I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
