So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
