Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
