You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
