I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize