god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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