I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
