I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
