how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
