Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
