I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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