We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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