There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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