i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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