Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
