His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think brook has ever known best
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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