she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
