2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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