I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize