I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
