a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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