we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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