We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
