he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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