This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
