I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
