she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
