where am i from again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Im part way to drunk.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
