It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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