The maid of honor just puked.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
