She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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