Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
