either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
