You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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