nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
