i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Life without a bra equals bliss.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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