If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we're making bets on your personal life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
