Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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