Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
