dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
