i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
