oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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