i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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