What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
