I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
